Tagg vs Shaf

Tagg:
~5'9", 220 or so
-full head of hair
-actually trains regularly
-totals ~250 lbs more than me
-is employed
-has 3 kids
-master of the fanny pack/pepper spray martial art

Shaf:
-5'11 1/2", 265 or so
-bald, goateed
-detrains regularly
-won't mention my total
-househusband livin' the dream muthafuka!
-has 3 kids
-master of the law mower throw